Here is a list of 100 best pieces of advice for a happy marriage.
Over the years as a marriage educator, I have collected a lot of truly wonderful hints on what will contribute to building and keeping a happy, healthy marriage. Pick a few or more and add these to your marriage building plan.
- Honor your vows. Keep your promises to each other that you made at your wedding.
- Place God smack-dab at the center of your marriage. Pray together often and sincerely. Make pleasing God together, a priority and your marriage will become — well, like a marriage made in Heaven.
- Protect your marriage by having strong boundaries with other friendships. Don’t let any other relationship take the energy and closeness away from the one with your husband or wife.
- Be loyal about the way you speak about each other in public. Always speak respectfully of the other whether they are in your presence or not.
- Keep each other’s confidences. Don’t share personal, intimate information that qualifies as unique and confidential to your marriage.
- Remember the good times, when you are going through bad ones.
There will always be some unhappiness, stress and even crisis in your life, but your life as a couple is the stability that helps get you through that.
- Be considerate everyday. Show your love with caring acts of kindness.
- Use good manners with each other. Be polite and respectful to each other when you talk and in the way you act.
- When appropriate, sacrifice your own dream for the wishes of your mate.
- Respond enthusiastically to your spouse’s dreams, ideas, thoughts, and plans.
- Even when it is difficult or inconvenient, practice showing loving behavior.
- When your mate is struggling or hurting, be there for them.
- Enjoy with a full measure of enthusiasm your husband or wife’s success or joy or happiness.
- When threats from the outside like financial problems, illness, and job difficulties invade your lives, be a fortress that provides a haven against it.
- Have fun together. Stop the seriousness of life, by laughing together and enjoying each other.
- Wake up each day, thinking “What can I do today to make my spouse happy?
- on the list of ways to have a happier marriage, so here it is: Express your love for your wife or husband with affection. Not just a hug or kiss, but hold hands, give loving looks, and special touches.
- Greet and say good bye each day with a kiss. Don’t let him or her out of your sight without that special connection.
- Confide in each other. Share your deepest joys, concerns, hopes, dreams and plans.
- Talk about what is bothering you before it gets to the boiling point. Use each other as sounding boards for working through a problem together.
- Be a good listener. Communication is not just talking, and it is best done when you listen attentively to your spouse.
- Show your real concern for your spouse’s feelings. Give feedback that you are really listening by giving eye contact and verbal signs
- Share everyday something wonderful that happened to you. Always keep a sense of gratitude and wonder and share that with each other.
- Work on being good friends. Spend time together having fun and really getting to know each other.
- Learn something new together. Whether it is how to barbecue or to play tennis, find some activity to share together.
- Make one night a week, your date night. And it becomes a non-negotiable- high priority time for just the two of you to nourish your relationship.
- Do something that you loved to do together when you were dating. Remember how much fun you had and rekindle that love today.
- Celebrate special occasions, like birthdays and anniversaries. Mark these as ways to honor each other and your marriage.
- Kids are very important and your children are your responsibility, but the heart of your family, needs to be your marriage. When children become the center, disaster awaits. Focus first on building a happy marriage and your children have a greater chance to be happy.
- Pray for each other daily.
- Be sensitive to each other’s sexual needs and desires. Keep healthy communication going about your intimacy.
- Don’t go to sleep angry. Work to resolve your conflict and to find a peaceful place to end your day on.
- Say you’re sorry when you’ve messed up, blown it, forgotten, or hurt your mate. And make it right.
- Talk about your wishes and dreams for your future together – this is especially fun to do on your anniversary or a special memorable date
- Always make time for a daily chat about your day.
- Never assume. Ask and get clarification before jumping to conclusions.
- Compliments are the key to a happy relationship.
- Take criticism out of your interactions. There is no place for it in building a healthy relationship.
- Remember that is okay to be different and to do things differently. The things that you cherished in each other before you married were probably some of the things that make you so different from each other. Don’t let that become a nuisance in your marriage.
- Be fair. Split household chores and responsibilities. Don’t let one person take on more than is fair. From bill paying to laundry, share the load of the household care.
- Kiss each other and tell the other you love them before you fall asleep at night.
- Fight fair. Don’t use obscenities, cruel or sarcastic remarks, or reminders of past bad behaviors.
- Is it really worth it to fight over it and cause bad feelings between you?
- Ask yourself: Do I want to be right or happily married?
- Respect each other’s right to have some privacy even in your marriage. There should be a respectful distance that allows each other to have some personal space, time, and even possessions — within reason.
- Marriage is not a 50/50 situation. To really be the best — it’s two people giving 100/100 most of the time.
- Surprise each other now and then.
- Hold hands in public — it lets others and each other know that you belong together.
- Be the first to say “I’m sorry.”
- Your “in-laws” should not mess or meddle with your marriage.
- Sometimes you just have to decide to act loving, even if you don’t feel loving. It’s a decision that you make, rather than a feeling that you feel.
- When you feel like giving up, hang in there longer.
- Don’t put off seeking counseling too long. A lot of couples wait until it’s too late and it doesn’t work.
- Never fight or discuss your private, personal conflicts in public.
- Make sure to laugh often together.
- Be each other’s champion! No matter what, take your husband or wife’s side first.
- NEVER use “never” or “always” in a fight.
- It’s dangerous to compare your marriage to others. No one really knows what goes on in someone else’s private moments. Things are not always what they seem.
- Use variety in your intimate, romantic life. Surprise and creativity make the bedroom fresh and exciting.
- Find out what your spouse’s number one, two and three needs are and do your best to fulfill those regularly.
- Discover what makes your mate happy and contribute often to that happiness.
- Work together on your home. Share yard work together. Paint a room. Clean out the attic together. Couples who work together feel a sense of shared accomplishment.
- Be clear about what each of your expectations are regarding household chores. This will keep resentment from building up about who is doing much and how much of the work.
- Learn to communicate in a straight-forward honest way without criticism or harshness.
- Take time to cool off before talking about important issues. Bring a cool, calm head to discussions that are alarming or troubling.
- If needed, rehearse ahead of time what you need to say to your spouse about issues that can be emotionally charged. This will give you time to work through your own emotions and think more clearly about the issue.
- Give your mate time to express thoroughly their thoughts and ideas about a subject before jumping in with your own opinion. This is good and mannerly listening.
- People in happy marriages don’t do important things without the agreement of the other person. Be sure to come to a common ground on spending or choices that concern you as a couple and as an individual.
- Sometimes just making a small change in the way you do something can make things between you better. Be willing to think about doing so and have the courage to change when you need to.
- Express your gratitude for what your mate does for you.
- Tell your spouse what is important to you in romance. Be specific and don’t make them read your mind.
- Sometimes a hug is best thing you can give.
- Look into your mate’s life and share with them the things that you most admire in their life’s accomplishments.
- Read a marriage book or take a marriage class at least once a year just to tune up your marriage skills.
- Forgiveness is an important ingredient that makes life time marriages possible.
- Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Feel what they must feel and see things through their eyes. Being empathic is one of the best ways to truly love and understand your mate.
- Don’t use the silent treatment. This ignoring of your mate is insulting, degrading and harmful to your marriage.
- Don’t minimize your spouse’s suffering or even their concerns or problems.
- Pay attention when your spouse is sharing a problem with you. No matter how trivial it is, they need your affirmation and attention because you are the most important person in their life.
- Ask questions with genuine interest. Make sure that your partner knows that you heard what they said.
- You will feel anger, disgust, rage, resentment, jealousy, and other negative feelings. Acknowledge it and carefully decide if expressing it will really get the response that you need or if thinking through the feeling and discussing it calmly is better.
- Never, ever use something that has been told to you in confidence as a weapon against your mate in an argument.
- Before you walk out on an argument, explain first that you need to take a time-out. Cool off, and come back– ready to resolve the problem or think of another time when you are both calmer to bring it up and settle it.
- It is perfectly okay for your spouse to have a different opinion, idea or feeling than you. Acknowledge this and then discuss if there is a way or even a need to find common ground on the issue.
- Recognize that if you are having problems in the bedroom, that this may be the sign that there are real problems in the marriage. Sit down and talk about what issues are causing you to have struggles with being intimate with each other. Do this calmly with a non-judgmental or critical air.
- The happiest married couples enjoy affection in the bedroom and out. They use touch often – hugs, kisses, back rubs, and holding hands are all ways of conveying love and admiration for each other in healthy marriages.
- Make your intimate times regular. Make it such an important habit in your marriage that it is a top priority. The strongest, healthiest and most definitely, the happiest couples have the strongest commitment to a healthy romantic life.
- Plan exciting, romantic, intimate times together. Spontaneity is more difficult that longer you are married, so planning for these couple times together becomes very, very important.
- Re-visit your most romantic places together to help rekindle some of the passion in your married relationship.
- Don’t get stuck in a romantic rut, doing things the same way over and over. Explore new ideas and ways to love and care for each other.
- Make praying together a regular, routine part of your relationship.
Pray for each other daily.
- Study the Bible together. There are many interesting and exciting couple Bibles studies out there that can help you get started.
- Attend church together regularly. Get involved with other married couples in the church, spend time with these couples sharing about what is good about marriage, have fun doing healthy good activities with these couples as you build happy, good times.
- Get involved in a ministry together. Go on a mission trip. Work at a Christian youth camp. Teach Bible classes together. Start a marriage ministry in your own home. Volunteer to work at the church together.
- Learn what God says about a husband and a wife’s roles and responsibilities in marriage. Read scriptures that deal with marriage and become familiar with God’s Word on what He wants for your marriage.
- Involve your entire family in service to God. Place work in the Kingdom as a priority in your family.
- Make your commitment to God’s covenant with your marriage the glue that keeps your marriage healthy and happy. By focusing on serving God through your marriage, you will find there is less conflict, less arguing and less unhappiness when you are both seeking to please Him.
- Be each other’s best friend. Spend a lot of time together. Keep each other’s confidences. Have fun. Laugh often. Cherish each moment that you have together.
- Seek outside help when you need it. If you can’t solve a problem or conflict on your own, ask for the help of a wiser person or a professional counselor. Don’t give up and don’t think this solution is a last resort. The wisest of us all seek counsel about what is most important. It is a lot better and wiser than giving up your marriage.
And finally, I saved the best for last!
- Thank God, each day for your mate! Think real, genuine thoughts for all the things your spouse adds to your life. Focus on the positives in your relationship and be grateful daily for the love that is in your life through your marriage. Pray daily for your spouse also. This works! God hears your prayers.
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