Guest blog by Linda Trimble

Submission in marriage is a huge topic for most couples both before and after saying “I Do.” The topic of submission can sometimes be very controversial due to some of the teachings among church goers. I have heard a lot of different messages on submission and some I found to be in line with God’s Word and some, well were never validated by scripture. The first thing I learned when I started studying the Bible, was that there are many interpretations, but only one truth. The Holy Spirit reveals truth and the truth will always coincide with the written Word of God. When I began to study the Bible, I had to consider what I already knew or believed and where my belief comes from, verses what I was hearing and learning in the present. I had to figure out, if it was something I heard, decided on my own, or was it a revealed truth confirmed by two or three witnesses.

This is how I enter into a study about anything, because I simply want the truth. When I first learned about submission in marriage, of course, I wanted no parts of it, because this was not a topic in my home or in my upbringing. All I could think about was that I wasn’t submitting to someone, if I did not agree. I had seen many disagreements in my home growing up and so had my husband, therefore, neither of us had any idea what real submission in marriage was all about. In high school, I would hear my friends say things like, “my mom and dad were fighting last night.” I would sit and listen to these descriptions of their parents’ fights and they were nothing like my descriptions. Well, I soon learned that their fights were not real physical fights, but heated arguments or discussions.

No one was hurt, wounded or put in jail. However, at that time, a fight or argument in my mind meant having a real physical fight that could leave someone wounded, hurt or badly beaten! I learned quickly that I did not want my own home to be that way. I did not know, at the time that a lot of the fighting had to do with not submitting to one another as husband and wives, or as parents and children. The scriptures clearly say, wives submit to their own husbands and that children should obey their parents in the Lord. Apparently, there was something wrong with this picture in our home. Early in my marriage, I started studying about marriage and relationships, because we were not doing too well.

One of the first topics I read about was submission. What I had heard regarding submission was that it meant that a wife should obey her husband or do whatever he asked or told her to do. I had also heard that the man was the head and the woman must obey his authority at all times. I heard obedience meant that the woman was to do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, children and she was to serve her husband as if he was the king of his castle in every way. I truly wanted to be a good wife, however, I needed lots of help if those things I had heard were, in fact, true. Of course, I felt he needed more help than I.

However, as my husband and I began to work together and grow together as Christians, we learned some valuable lessons about marriage. The key for us and as in most marriages was learning to communicate properly with each other. Honor and respect for one another was the next huge milestone. The golden lesson was and still is today, was learning to never take each other for granted.

Submission in the bible is found in Ephesians 5:21-33. It actually states that, “wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” This to me represents the beauty of marital submission from the Lord. Though it may still sound difficult, He is actually letting us know that my willingness to submit is an appropriate response to authority. My submission to my husband is a willing and a healthy response to him as the leader of our home. This type of submission and authority, of course, works best in an equally yoked marriage, where the husband recognizes his sense of duty to love, cherish, and respect his wife.

Submission does not have to be an ugly word. It is the privilege we have as women to obey God’s command, and learn to honor and respect biblical submission; which means how well we fit into our husband’s leadership as he is led by our Heavenly Father. Submission is not a bad thing, it is actually a good thing, especially when you surrender to the biblical principles that the Father has laid out for wives. I learned submission through honor, respect, and encouragement to my spouse. As I submitted (honored him, respected him, and encouraged him), he began to love, cherish and honor me–my talents, wisdom, and gifts.