A few years ago, I attended a wedding that could have made a style magazine. It could have been for someone hugely famous like George Clooney. It was so over the top ridiculously perfect. I was envious for a moment. My small backyard garden, homemade, hand-done wedding wasn’t anything to publish about. I decorated it myself with buckets of daisies and ferns. My mom made all the food for the reception. My attendants wore pretty, however fairly inexpensive dresses. My wedding gown, although I cherished it, was bought off the sale rack. It was a simple affair, as they say.
But that one silly covetous moment helped me to remember what I wanted then. I wanted a marriage. Not a wedding. And still do.
It seems everyday, I hear of enormous amounts of cash being laid out for an ever-brief ceremony. I read about the gazillions of dollars spent to produce “just the perfect amount” of lights, flowers, seating, food for the bride and groom’s “once-in-a-lifetime” (at least Mom and Dad hope) occasion. I know without a doubt, we have turned our priorities upside down.
The wedding season is here, so expect to see an excess of this.
Can I just say a few words to the couple before they go down the aisle?
Your wedding will last just a moment. As much as you don’t believe this, it’s true. You will remember very little of it. Thank goodness you will have those photographs. ($$$) Something you will have not just in memory is your wife, your husband. They will remain. After the flowers have wilted, the canapes are spoiled, the tent is taken down. Your wife, your husband is still here. With you. Forever.
Your marriage will last a lifetime. I’ve never counseled a pre-married couple who hoped, dreamed, planned for a marriage to last for anything less. It may be wise to realize now, prior to wasting(sorry) spending so much on the ceremony, how much you will need- and not just money. But time, energy, efforts, emotions to spend on the rest of your life together.
Now please do not read me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong, and everything right, with having an event, a glorious time, a splendid celebratory party to commemorate your day and time of marriage. I dearly loved my own and my two children’s weddings and they are some of my most precious family memories to recall and to talk about. Don’t misunderstand me. I LOVE weddings.
However, this over-emphasis that our culture is placing on the wedding event has to end. The miniature bride and groom on the top of the 10-tiered cake can’t take the pressure. Marriages can’t take the expectations. We must stop the wedding prep madness.
At least, until – we get this marriage thing figured out.
No matter how romantic is seems, or even how romantic you think you are going to make it, your marriage, like your wedding, will not be anything like the Bachelor or the fabulous celebrity wedding photo shoot. It won’t be scripted. Directed. Or a 22-minute long Reality show.
Marriage is real stuff. It’s for two adults, grown up enough and willing to not just wed, but work on a marriage. Is it possible for you and him/her to live happily ever after? You bet. Many of us have. It’s why we bravely walked down the aisle. It’s why we endure the tough times. Why we bite our tongues when the young among us speak foolishly casual about commitment, marriage and divorce. We know a lifetime of marriage, while gloriously absolutely worth it, is costly.
How much? It costs you everything. It costs you, yourself. That is why Jesus compared it to His own sacrifice
You must be ready to basically die. God requires this. Marriage demands it. To be courageously wed forever, you must think continuously of the other person’s needs. Meet them on their territory. Give 100% to your relationship. And this means you can’t be selfish again, live in your own head, do your own thing, if you want to make your marriage last.
Your time. Your stuff. Your body. Your mind. Your life is now not your own. It belongs to the marriage.
Yep. That’s serious stuff. Are you ready, Bride? Can you do this, Groom?
No matter how much fun you want your wedding to be on that day.
Be sure you plan to show up for your marriage the next day.
And forever after.
