Sometimes as moms, we doubt whether we are doing a good job as a parent. Sometimes those doubts overwhelm us. Other times they just sit and nag at us like a splinter just under the skin. Either way, when those doubts eat away at our confidence as a Mom, we may even begin to doubt our love and devotion for our children. Like a confused middle-schooler, unsure of their identity, mothers can feel fearful and anxious about any and all issues surrounding their child’s life.
It seems some moms are especially sensitive to criticism or questions about decisions they make, Decisions like whether to put their daughter in ballet or if you should get a tutor for a child struggling with math or reading. Sometimes because friends or family members ask why you did a certain thing or even why your child acts a certain way – that will be all it takes for self-doubt and self-criticism to set in. That begins to eat away at your confidence to be a healthy parent. There are some specific things we can do with that area between our ears to keep our Mommy confidence intact.
Let’s start with this one: in all you do as a mom, God is ultimately the one in control. As people who will make mistakes – and Moms are regular people (no matter what your teen may tell you) – remember that God’s grace covers it all. You are doing the most important job on earth and you are just the person for the job. You are God-made and custom-designed for your family. Remember most of all, they are blessed to be loved by you.
One of my favorite scriptures is 2 Timothy 1:7. “For God did not give you a spirit of timidity, but one of power, love and self-control.” In those moments – and there is not a mom who’s walked this earth – who hasn’t felt timid, fearful, or anxious. I’ve had many moments where I doubted whether I did something right , or made the right decision, or said just the right things. Or even if I COULD do something I really needed to do. Like talk to my child about a problem we’re having, or deciding to allow my child to go away to camp, or gave some advice about the way to handle a friend. Those doubts have erupted into almost unmanageable fears. Those fears, I’ve learned, can just freeze you.
But in His Word, God tells us not to fear.
I love this powerful Bible verse.
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9. And in that verse in 2 Timothy we are basically told God does not give us fear – so where do you think our worry, our timidity, come from? Hmmmm______ ? I’ll let your imagination fill in that blank.
Perhaps what God is saying is… yes, you may feel worried or fearful. But we must not use it as an excuse to not act. As a mom do I ever struggle with those feelings! But I can increase my confidence by doing the right thing, in spite of my anxious doubts. If you don’t know for sure if something is right or appropriate for your child, seek the wisdom of an older, more experienced Christian friend or talk to a Christian counselor. I’ve always found that reading a good parenting book, or a specific one on things like discipline, or school issues, is very helpful in sorting through a troubling problem. Or maybe attend a parenting class. You’ll begin to feel more confident when you have more information about the situation.
Finally, one of the best things I’ve ever done is to talk with other moms who have been in my shoes. Especially if she’s ahead of me in the parenting job. Someone’s who’s been there done that! I love to get advice from an older woman whose life has shown she has learned a few things along the way about kids. families, and the problems that confront all of us.
I know this for certain about this hard job of being a Mom. We are all Custom-Designed for our child. God-Created. Customized parents by Father of the Universe!
There’s no further base I need to build my Mom-Confidence on. Now, watch out, here I come! A strong, courageous, confident MOM!